In part 2 of this series, we finish our tips on “How To Approach Women In Public Without Seeming Sleazy” and your adventure to the grocery store where you are next in line to an attractive woman but are too embarrassed to talk to her because of all the people around. If you haven’t already, please read part 1!
Let’s review our points from Pt. 1:
- THIS FEAR IS NORMAL
- SET YOUR SHAME ASIDE
- SAY ANYTHING! – BETTER YET, MAKE HER DAY!
- PREPARE FOR HER TO WANT TO ESCAPE THE SOCIAL TENSION
- KEEP IT FUN AND SILLY
PREPARE FOR HER TO NOT BE FRIENDLY
Women are often not very friendly to guys when they first meet them. Some guys consider them being “bitches” *link to bitch article* but really all they are doing is protecting themselves. Guys have wanted something (sex) from her since she was likely 14 years old so she’s had to be on guard for a long time! You can make yourself stand out from the other guys who get upset or give up easily by not letting it phase you! Just keep moving forward with building an interaction with her!
PREPARE TO RE-ENGAGE HER SEVERAL TIMES
Her fleeing the social tension and being unfriendly to protect herself might leave you in a situation where you just can’t continue the interaction. That’s fine! Depending on the situation, you may have the chance to “bump” into her again or talk to her again later that day/night. This is good. Based on the mere exposure effect (people liking things more as they become more familiar) just interacting with you again increases her likeness towards you, provided you didn’t put her off before. It also shows her that you are genuinely interested enough to keep coming back to have 2nd and 3rd chances with her. Just remember, if after the 3rd time she still isn’t interested, let it go! There’s a difference between persistence and pestering!
FRAME HER POSITIVELY
Saying good things about her makes her want to live up to the good reputation that you gave her. She’ll want to act in a way that is consistent with what you said about her and no one wants to ruin it when someone says good things about them, and in his book “Influence: The Psychology of Persusasion” *link* Robert Cialdini talks about how”consistency” (wanting people to be as you say or as other people have said you are) is a strong motivator for people!
INVITE HER ON AN INSTA-DATE
Find out what she’s up to at that exact moment and invite her for a coffee, walk, or something else fun and low commitment with you. You can totally skip getting her digits and setting up a date all together by going on one RIGHT NOW! This insta-date also increases the chances she’ll see you a second time, exponentially!
FIND A REASON TO STAY IN TOUCH
Make an excuse! Any excuse! Find out what she likes and ask her to teach you. Or something she wants to do that you know and teach her. Find a reason to go somewhere together. Make whatever reason you need to stay in touch. It really isn’t important why, it’s just important that you do! This will make it logical in her mind for her to give her contact info,
You choose to man-up and say to yourself, “Fuck it! What I want for my life is more important than what other people think of me!”
After you pay and start bagging your groceries, you turn to her and say, “I miss the days when they used to bag your groceries for you! I hate doing that! I’m so bad at it that it doesn’t matter if I put it at the top of the bag, I always end up with a squashed loaf of bread! Every day, that ruins my breakfast and makes me feel stupid! You know what I mean?!”
“Ummm… yeah.”, she embarrassingly replies.
“I’m _____.” *you put your hand out to shake hers* “And you are?”
“Stephanie”, she says proudly while apprehensively shaking your hand.
“Stephanie?!”, you say outloud to get it right and log it in your memory. “Nice to meet you!”.
“Nice to meet you too”, she replies sheepishly.
*you look at her groceries* “I see you’re eating pretty healthy there! Whatever you’re doing is working well because you’re really staying in shape! I bet you’re into yoga or kickboxing or something crazy hard and fitness oriented like that!”
“Nah, nothing like that”, she answers dismissively.
*you move to the end of the conveyor belt and keep talking while she pays and starts bagging her groceries*
“Well, it must be something super challenging because no one gets that fit eating Doritos and watching Game of Thrones re-runs!”
*she laughs slightly. you hand her the jar of salsa that slides down farther away from her than to you. she glances at you thankfully*
“I actually don’t watch TV”, she says almost condescendingly. You start to think that you may actually be able to like this girl.
“Me neither, really”, you reply because it’s true. “So, what’s your poison then? Everyone gets their kick out of something! Yours just looks like it’s super healthy!”
*she finishes bagging her groceries and starts walking towards the exit without replying. you tag along*
“So?! What is it?!”, you ask again.
“What?!”, she retorts. “What are you into?!”, you ask again.
“Actually, I like rock climbing”, she admits.
“Wow, that’s really cool and sounds hard! How did you get into that?!” *she sighs, maybe regretfully, before admitting* “My ex was really into it and so I got into it too”.
“Cool, at least you got something good out of that relationship! How long have you been doing that for?!”
“A couple years”.
“It looks like you’ve been doing it since you were born by how strong you are!” *you squeeze her bicep jokingly. she laughs and smiles slightly at your joke*
“Thanks”. I’d like to do it more often but it’s hard to find time to get out of the city!”, she says warmer than before.
*you exit the grocery store together. you stop her just outside of the entrance before the parking lot*
“That’s the pain of it. Where are good places to get out to do it?!” *she tells you a couple nearby spots she likes*
“I bet they’re beautiful! You must train somewhere in the city when you’re not out of town, though. I’d love to get into it but I really have no idea where or how! Where’s good?!”
*she tells you about the indoor rock climbing spot she likes and goes to. You make a mental note that you now know where you could “bump” into her*
“That’s great! Thanks for that! I can tell you’re adventurous and a lot of fun! I was just heading over to Starbucks to grab a coffee before I meet a friend but I’d love to hear more about this! Why don’t you join me?!”
“I really can’t right now. I have to get going”.
“Ok. Well, I’d love to get more info about rock climbing as it seems like a really fun thing to do and I’m always looking for something new and active! Do you mind if I get your info and ask you some questions about it later?! Maybe you could teach me a thing or two!
*you pull out your phone and hand it to her, assumingly* “Ok, sure”.*she puts her number in your phone*
“Awesome, Stephanie! I look forward to it! It was really nice meeting you today and have a great day!”
*you shake hand her hand and touch her shoulder as you do it. she smiles in response*
*“Thanks. You, too! Have a nice day!”
[*as you both get a few steps closer to your cars you turn around and yell*
“Hey Stephanie!” *she turns around. you flex your bicep and point at her* “Those biceps, though!”
*she laughs, smiles, and turns around to keep walking to her car*]
*once you get to your car you text her immediately to tell her how friendly and sweet she was. you mention how you usually hate trips to get groceries but that if they were all as good as this one, then you’d probably go there even when you don’t need to! she replies with “:) yeah, me too!”*
And that’s “How You Approach Women In Public Without Seeming Sleazy” from start to future contact! Well, at least in my imaginary example! Maybe I have a future as a romance fiction writer?!
I have done things like this in all sorts of places like convenience stores, malls, cafes, parties, with friends-of-friends, and even bars. The same approach and principles work almost anywhere or anytime!
In the comments below, write what you thought about the tips and where you can spot them in the 2nd half of the story!