You’re waiting begrugingly in line at your local grocery store, behind an old lady who’s trying to use her expired coupons to save twenty cents on pickles and crackers. You’re bored, so you look around and accidentally learn from the tabloid covers that Taylor Swift is now dating some dude you’ve never heard of, which is apparently a big deal. You don’t care about her, but her cleavage in the picture does garner your appreciation. You then wonder to yourself if her being a good singer also means she’s good at doing other things with her mouth? You’re dirty.
You turn, look behind you, and are surprised to see an attractive woman loading her groceries on to the conveyor belt. She’s got a smallish crop top shirt on, so you can see just a hint of her midsection as she bends over to grab them from her basket, and her short shorts, with the little bit of bottom bum popping out, is one of those sights that makes you think there may actually be a God. The bending accentuates her beautiful curves further and gravity helps her hanging breasts look fuller. You don’t mind that. Her long hair falls in her face as she does this, and she softly but annoyingly tucks it behind her ear as it does. In this second, time seems to slow down.
She’s just your type.
Thankfully, you’ve been keeping yourself well dressed (link to article about lessons learned from men’s personal stylist) and fit (link to my workout routine) because you understand the importance a good first impression makes (link to 7 second article) so you’re feeling confident and looking good. You’re now glad you put on some jeans and clean shoes rather than coming in the sweat pants and flip flops that had you originally put on. You remember now that it’s true: you never know when or where you’ll meet “Mrs. Right”. [Your heart starts to beat a little faster as your mind begins to race: “My potential dream girl is right next to me!]
She looks up from her basket and notices you looking at her. She makes eye contact for a second, then looks away and goes back to loading her final things. You watch attentively out of the corner of your eye as she finishes and stands up. You notice that it wasn’t just the bending, that even standing, her curves qualify as an almost perfect body to you. Her face seems sweet and sexy; soft while being fearsome. Her body language shows she’s slightly anxious but confident. Meanwhile, the clerk is starting to ring your groceries through. You glance at her again and she notices. You can see a slight smile crack on her face. You guess that she’s also taken an interest in you but you don’t know for sure. You hope it’s true and your manly pride swells slightly inside of you at the possibility.
The conveyor belt moves your groceries forward and away from her.
You want to talk to her. You want to tell her how beautiful you think she is! You want to find out what she’s like; if her inner beauty matches her outer, if she’s fun and interesting like you hope, and if she could be the girl you’ve been looking for! You don’t know anything about her yet but your imagination runs wild with the excited, mentally overblown possibility of you being the perfect match for each other! You secretly would like to show her that you could be the man of her dreams, too!
Quietly, people have started to gather in line behind her.
Your heart beats faster now as you wonder if she’s interested in you, if she has a bf, and how you could possibly talk to her in this environment?! If you did talk to her, everyone would be watching: the clerk, the people in line behind her, the old lady in front of you who seems to be bagging in slow motion after dropping her crackers. You start to sweat a little bit as you get flustered, mentally searching for how you can start a convo with her without being super embarrassed, judged by everyone here, and without losing the one chance you might have with your potential dream girl! “
What do I do?! How do I do it?!”, you ponder frantically.
From deep within your thoughts, you barely hear the clerk ask you, “Cash or credit?” You look at her then back at the goddess next to you. Now it’s your turn to pay and move on, likely missing your chance with her forever…
This Fear is Normal
The biggest obstacle facing most guys when it comes to talking to new women in public isn’t actually doing it, it’s their FEAR of doing it! This comes from the primal, “lizard” part of our brain that told us hundreds of thousands of years ago if we, even accidentally, went for the Alpha’s girl he might club our head in or or drop a massive rock on it while we slept. Thankfully, we no longer have to worry about those kinds of things but our evolutionary wiring hasn’t changed nearly as fast as our cultures have. Unfortunately, evolution is way behind society’s progress and still protects us with this unnecessary, outdated, and irrational fear. Talking to a new women in public can seem as scary as public speaking, skydiving, or being found out as a Trump supporter!
Set Your Shame Aside
There are literally no social consequences for talking to a girl in public. No one is going to yell at you, chastise you, or cut your dick off. The worst thing that will likely happen is the girl will not respond or politely move on. If anyone does say anything, well, “Haters gunna hate!” Usually, it’s because they’re jealous of your courage to put yourself on the line, which they themselves lack!
Say Anything! – Better Yet, Make Her Day!
It actually doesn’t really matter what you say to her, as long as you SAY SOMETHING and it isn’t offensive! She will probably be flattered that you even consider her attractive enough to risk being embarrassed for! After all, women know why men talk to them and understand the social pressure that comes with that!
3 Good Ways To Start A Convo:
i) Give Her A Genuine, Detailed, and Personal Compliment
Who doesn’t like being told something nice about themselves?! Compliment her on something specific to her that she earned or chose… like how fit she is, how well she dresses, or how friendly she seems because she smiles so much! Just make sure that it’s NON-SEXUAL! DO NOT compliment her on her ass! Well, maybe if it’s really toned and she worked hard for it… but NO, save that for later! And DO NOT compliment her on her tits! She didn’t earn those! Unless she worked hard to pay for them… but still, NO!
ii) Make A Positive Observation About Her
Notice something about her, preferably that other people wouldn’t usually notice, and make a positive assumption about her based on that. Everyone likes when people notice small, positive details about themselves. For example, “There’s a certain class about how you walk in heels that a lot of women don’t have! You have this swagger that I bet makes people either really want to know you or hate you for it!” The best part is that even if you’re wrong, you still have a great basis for a conversation!
iii) Ask Her Opinion On Something Interesting and Personal
Just ask her what she thinks about whatever! Even better if that thing is something personal, interesting/quirky, and relevant to the situation! For example, if you’re next in line to a woman in the produce section of a grocery store, ask “You know, I was just wondering that if I could only eat ONE vegetable for the rest of my life… what would it be?! I think I’d choose broccoli. How about you?!”
Prepare For Her To Want To Escape The Social Tension
Some people say that women feel things 10x as strongly as men so if you think it’s an awkward situation for you, imagine how she feels! Know that she might appreciate that you’re talking to her and feel flattered, but also embarrassed. She will likely want to escape the situation, maybe not because she isn’t interested but to release the social pressure she’s feeling. Be prepared to keep the convo going yourself without her help, keep her there with you by continuing to talk to her, or walk with her so that you can still talk and not impede what she is doing.
Keep It Fun and Silly
Making sure that the interaction is light, fun, and adding a bit of silliness can help remove the social tension you’re both feeling. This shows her that you’re easy-going, not self-conscious, and that time spent with you will be enjoyable rather than stressful! You can do this by making jokes, being willing to embarrass yourself, and talking about things you know that she enjoys! Remember: it’s only harassment if she doesn’t like it!
Check out part 2 where we finish the tips on “How To Approach Women In Public Without Seeming Sleazy” and find out exactly how you can chat up that girl in the grocery store!